Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
