he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
