I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i love accidental penises.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
