I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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