At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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