I think I died a long time ago.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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