I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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