The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
