I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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