found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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