So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
