You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
