I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
