he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
