Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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