Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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