Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
