i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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