At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
