Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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