What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
