You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
