I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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