I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
