that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Couch. On fire.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
