so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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