i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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