Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
