New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
