Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
