So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
