I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
