did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You left your phone here
Wait...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
