Sry I called you an 8
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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