So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
