If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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