tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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