Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
