that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
