Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
