CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
