in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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