apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
