If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
