I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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