i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
