I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
