the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
