I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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