maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
